


Help Me Get Away From Myself

by Salamander



Series: Closer [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: (sort of), 5.2 Spoilers, Anal Fingering, Established Relationship, Light Spanking, M/M, blowjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:35:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24763975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salamander/pseuds/Salamander
Summary: Gaius wakes to a welcome and unexpected visitor after the events at the Cinder Drift.
Relationships: Gaius van Baelsar/Estinien Wyrmblood
Series: Closer [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1815133
Comments: 3
Kudos: 47





	Help Me Get Away From Myself

**Author's Note:**

> This feels like it took ten million years, but here we go! It wouldn't be here without my lovely gaiustinien peeps, so thank you to everyone who gave me much-needed encouragement! <3

Gaius looked up from his bed as the window creaked open and then closed again and raised a lazy hand in greeting. “I wondered if I’d be seeing you again any time soon,” he said in Estinien’s direction. “And you have proven my assumption correct.”

A ghost of a smile flitted across Estinien’s face and he perched on the end of Gaius’ bed, elbows on his thighs. “Missed me that much? You do me such credit.”

“Perhaps what I really missed, Ser Estinien, is someone to speak to who doesn’t look at me as though I’m the worst kind of dog. I feel that kind of person is in short thrift in this area.”

“Yes well, you can hardly expect Eorzeans to look kindly upon a man who was once their enemy. We may have worked with less savoury characters over the years, but that kind of ingrained feeling can’t be erased overnight, no matter how long said man has been working to the same ends.”

“Ah of course, I forget, you have some knowledge of this too, do you not?”

Estinien grimaced and pinched his nose. “Do not remind me.”

“So what can I credit to the pleasure of this visit? Surely you did not come by in the middle of the night to share pleasantries, or to get a look at my dearly-missed face.”

“Nay, I-” Estinien hesitated, swallowed hard. “I heard of what happened, with the Ruby Weapon, and it’s provenance.”

“Ah, so that’s it. You came to offer platitudes instead. Well I have no need of them.” Gaius turned away sharply, narrowing his eyes at the wall.

“Perhaps not, but they are here and offered anyway. I know how well you think of the children who were in your care. One only has to speak to Garlond to see it.”

“I did not think Cid had forgiven me, but I have been proven wrong in the past…”

“I don’t know whether he has forgiven you, as such. Only that… well, he respects you. As do I, albeit reluctantly at first. And I do not wish-” Estinien swallowed once more, and turned to face Gaius this time. “I do not wish you to be alone at this time. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Gaius leaned forward and patted the bed next to him. “Come, then. And please shed the boots, I tired of you kicking me in the shins with them long ago.”

Estinien snorted, but leaned forward and removed his boots anyway. He paused for a moment, then began to also peel off his trousers and coat, unasked for, until he was down to his simple creamy under linens. He turned and raised an eyebrow at Gaius, gaze raking over his naked torso, abundant with hair, just as he remembered it. “Perhaps I should remove everything, to fully get into the spirit of things.”

Gaius lifted the sheets enough that his thigh and arse were bared, and they were indeed bare. “Whatever you decide, hurry up with it. You let in a hell of a draft from that window.”

Estinien laughed softly, but obliged, and then he was sliding into the bed under the sheets with Gaius, laying on his side to face him. He lifted a hand and traced it across Gaius’ chest, fingertips trailing through the softness there. “I did miss you,” he said under his breath, “missed this. The closeness in the dark.”

“Mm, and I you.” Gaius chuckled, and Estinien felt the rumble of it through his chest. “And those clever hands of yours.” He shuffled closer until their legs entwined, pressed his forehead against Estinien’s, breathed in the cold, winter smell of him. “They are so  _ young _ ,” he said, after a time. His eyes closed, and he felt his breath halt in his throat. “Did I really do so badly for them, that this is their only recourse? My past, it must always return to haunt me.”

“Yes, pasts have a habit of doing that, much to all our pain and displeasure.” Estinien pressed his palm against Gaius’ heart, feeling the slow, steady beat. “I do not think that you did poorly by them. They are capable adults, from what I heard. Capable and independent enough to make these decisions on their own. And, frankly, if they are anything like the other young people in our acquaintances, completely unwilling to listen to their elders.”

“Capable enough that Milisandia is now dead,” Gaius replied bitterly, “and no thanks to me, since it is my path they are following in! My bloody footsteps… finishing what I started, they said. What I started…”

Estinien tugged Gaius until he was pressed flush against Estinien’s chest, face turned to the side. “If you blame yourself for everyone else’s mistakes, you’ll never stop,” he said, with a hint of bitterness. “It is  _ they _ who made this decision, not you, and you simply have to deal with it.”

Gaius exhaled a shuddering sigh, breathing deeply around the lump in his throat that threatened to overtake him at any second. He couldn’t find the words to express what he was feeling, so he just let the feelings wash over him, safe for once, in the arms of a man who should by all rights be his enemy. Funny, how travelling together and fighting back to back and yes, occasionally fucking, could bring you closer to a man, though you had not yet put a name to whatever it was between you.

He inhaled deeply of Estinien’s scent again, and ignored the salt at his own lips. Gaius knew they would both ignore the wetness pressing into Estinien’s chest, and gradually he slid into sleep with Estinien’s fingers in his hair.

\- - -

The morning sunshine filtered in through the curtains that Estinien had left open a crack, and Gaius blinked awake, slowly coming to the realisation that Estinien was  _ still there _ , and was in fact, entwined around him so tightly that they must resemble some kind of many-armed, many-legged creature.

Estinien snored gently, completely unaware of Gaius’ waking, face pressed firmly into Gaius’ chest and clearly exceptionally comfortable. 

Gaius smiled and buried his nose into Estinien’s hair, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. He couldn’t think of a time when they’d been together like this, Estinien’s guard down so completely, and quite frankly, he could stay like this forever. The light held a soft, golden quality, and the muffled peace of morning seeped into Gaius’ very bones, chasing away some of the pain of the night. 

As comfortable as he was, however, he’d never been the kind of man to lay about once he’d woken up. He extracted himself from Estinien’s grip and sat upright, stretching and yawning widely as Estinien’s eyes opened, bleary and narrowed against the light.

“I’d forgotten that you’re an early riser,” he said with a sleep-smeared voice. “By Halone’s tits, close the damned curtains.”

Gaius chuckled. “The curtains are open because you left them that way last night.” He finished his stretch and got up, flipping the covers over so that they covered Estinien in a large pile. “Because you’re clearly an uncivilised lout.” 

Estinien fought his way out of the blankets and glared up at Gaius, but the expression soon turned pensive as he checked out the length of Gaius’ body, fully naked and on show as he stretched again, this time onto his tiptoes, to flex out his calves against nighttime stiffness.

“Enjoying the view, I presume?” Gaius looked down at Estinien and raised one eyebrow. “I must admit, I’m amazed that you’re still here. I’m not sure we’ve ever had the pleasure of a morning after.”

“Is it a pleasure?” Estinien rolled to the edge of the bed and sat upright, stifling a yawn. “I don’t find mornings particularly pleasurable, unless they come with an abundance of coffee and perhaps a blowjob.”

Gaius tipped his head to one side appraisingly. “Well, perhaps one out of the two can be arranged, although I’ll leave it to you to decide which you would prefer.”

“I would always go for both,” Estinien said with a lopsided grin, “although the order can be debated.”

“Well then, coffee first so that you can at the very least be awake for the pleasure. In the meantime, you can doze some more in the sunshine like the contented cat you are, while I prepare your caffeine fix.” Gaius turned and picked up his undershirt from the floor where he’d unceremoniously dropped it the night before. He pulled it on but left it unfastened, then went to brew coffee, smiling at the soft snores behind him. Estinien didn’t need any further encouragement to snooze, clearly.

It was a good thing that there was a smaller room attached to his own with all of the things required to make small meals and drinks. It meant that Gaius didn’t have to actually wear clothes to get some food or coffee, and the familiar routine soothed him after the tumultuous day yesterday. 

He carried through two mugs of steaming coffee into the bedroom and perched on the side of the bed, setting them down on the little bedside table to free up his hands. 

Estinien’s eyes opened blearily and he blinked up at Gaius once more. “I thought you were going to make coffee,” he murmured, and then his nose twitched as the fragrance of hot, steamy caffeine drifted across the air. “Ah, there it is. You’re a godsend.” He rolled to the edge of the bed and lifted up onto his elbow enough that he could grab the mug without spilling it all down his front.

Gaius perched on the bed in the curve of Estinien’s body, and took a few careful sips of his own coffee, black as earth with about enough sugar to stand up a teaspoon on its own. “I hope that’s enough caffeine for you,” he murmured, blowing across the top of his cup. “I know it’s not quite the level that you’re used to in Ishgard, but I think you’ll agree that it’s fifty times an improvement on the swill we drank on the road.”

“I still can’t believe you had the audacity to call that coffee,” Estinien replied, taking a large swallow, “it was more akin to the piss of a wyvern.”

“Hm, well I suppose you’d know about that.”

Estinien snorted into his cup, narrowly avoiding getting coffee all over the bed, and then set it aside carefully. “Would I, now? News to me.” He snaked his free hand out from under the covers, reaching under Gaius’ robe to caress his leg idly, fingertips drifting down to the sensitive inner thigh as he took another sip. 

Gaius leaned back, spreading his legs to allow him better access, his lower back and the swell of his arse pressed up against Estinien’s burgeoning erection. “I see you’re beginning to warm up to the morning.” He smirked down at Estinien, enjoying the way his hair sheeted down onto the covers in an elegant waterfall. 

“Well, a man could get used to this treatment. The next thing I know you’ll be offering me a back massage followed by a bath with scented candles.”

“Now there’s an idea. It’s been many years since I had a massage, these old muscles could use some tender ministrations.”

“I can promise you,  _ I’d _ be anything but tender.” Estinien ran his fingertips up to the crease of Gaius’ thigh, gentle as the dawn, and made an approving hum as Gaius’ hips moved of their own accord.

“And I’d hardly expect that of you.” Gaius cleared his throat and set his coffee down on the bedside table. He brushed Estinien’s hair behind his ear and smiled crookedly down at him. “We’re neither of us particularly made for tenderness, after all.” 

He slid to the floor, kneeling before Estinien like a supplicant and pulled on his arm to bring him closer to the edge of the bed until he was near curled around Gaius. “Now that’s more like it,” Gaius said with a wide smile. He licked his lips, slowly, then bent forward to mouth at the head of Estinien’s dick with the tiniest breath of a touch. 

Estinien swore into his curled arm, burying his face in his flesh to keep himself quiet as Gaius continued his work. The angle was different and that alone was enough to have Estinien bucking into Gaius’ mouth, but Gaius settled both his hands on Estinien’s thigh and stomach and grinned savagely as he held him still.

“My pace, or nothing at all,” Gaius growled, and dug his fingers into the inner flesh of Estinien’s thigh, the curve of each fingernail very nearly breaking skin. 

“Tyrant,” Estinien bit out, eyes flashing with humour and lust over the top of his arm to glare down at Gaius. 

“Yes.” Gaius dipped his head again and flicked his tongue out, curling the tip into Estinien’s slit and then circling the head of him, now full and heavy against his lips. He held it there, releasing his hand from Estinien’s stomach to curl firm around the base of his dick, before allowing his lips to be breached, but  _ oh _ -so-slowly, taking his sweet, languorous time over it; feeling the thrum of hot-blooded veins against his lips, the salt sweetness of Estinien’s flesh, and the single-minded hardness of him, like a coiled serpent ready to strike, all aquiver with potential.

Gaius’ eyes slid closed as he took Estinien’s dick into his mouth full, until his own lips met his fingers, holding Estinien tight enough to stall any too-quick orgasm that might surface. Satisfied that Estinien would behave, at least for now, Gaius slid his free hand down and stroked Estinien’s sack, his lips curling in a smile as Estinien stifled another groan into his arm. He weighed up the heft of them, squeezing a little and then gentling again.

“I do hope you’re going to do more than just weigh my balls,” Estinien said, though with a groan of appreciation. “In fact, here.” He reached out and opened the bedside drawer, pulling himself out of Gaius’ mouth with a wet noise, rummaging around until he found the familiar bottle of lubrication that he knew Gaius always kept close.

Gaius took the opportunity to steal a pillow from the bed and settled it beneath his knees with a relieved sigh. “That’s better. Now, give it here. What do you want, fingers only, or something further?”

Estinien laid back down into his previous position, curling around Gaius a little more so that he could cup his cheek with one hand, running a thumb across Gaius’ bottom lip, wet with saliva and precome. “Fingers will be perfect,” he murmured. “You comfortable now, old man?”

“Quite.” Gaius took the bottle of lube from Estinien and tilted it to check how much was left. “Looks like I’m going to need a restock soon.” He raised an eyebrow at Estinien and nuzzled into his hand. “I  _ am  _ making the assumption that you may be sticking around, at least for a little while.”

“Hmm, I can be persuaded.”

“Well then, allow me.” Gaius opened his mouth and sucked Estinien’s thumb inside, biting down on his first knuckle and then chasing it with a lick as Estinien removed it. He unscrewed the lid from the bottle of lube and slicked up his fingers, bending to his task with a toothy grin. 

Estinien spread his legs obligingly and rested his foot on the bed, allowing Gaius to circle his slicked fingers against his entrance and push one inside. Estinien groaned and made a grab for Gaius’ hair, tangling his own fingers into it as Gaius brushed against that lightning spot inside of him with unerring precision.

Gaius allowed his head to be guided and took Estinien’s dick in his mouth once more, sucking him all the way inside at the same time as he pushed a second finger into Estinien’s arse, stretching him open faster than he probably should have, but the noise Estinien made told him all he needed to know. He crooked both fingers and rubbed against Estinien’s prostate until Estinien was bucking into his mouth, fucking his face with a fervour that showed just how long it’d been since they’d seen each other.

He managed to breathe through his nose, inhaling deeply of Estinien’s scent as he took him deeper into his throat, until his nose pressed into the soft down of Estinien’s pubic hair and he could feel the shuddering gasps as Estinien held him closer, fingers like vices in his hair as he emptied himself down Gaius’ throat.

Estinien’s groan was a distant sound as Gaius focused on swallowing, breathing through it, before coming up for air and pulling his fingers from Estinien’s arse. He wiped the corner of his mouth, dripping with saliva, with his clean thumb, and enjoyed the rare sight of Estinien with his guard completely down; his mouth loose with pleasure, swallowing and breathing hard as he came round from his orgasm.

His own erection was somewhat desperate for attention, but Gaius ignored it for the time being - there would be plenty of time for that later. He got to his feet and sat in the curve of Estinien’s body once more, smoothing his hair back out of his face. “I trust that sufficed,” he murmured with a lazy smile.

“Ah yes, I believe that did the trick.” Estinien reached over and palmed Gaius’ dick, stroking the length of it. “But what of you? Don’t forget, you’ve already prepped me well.” He reached down with his other hand and fingered his entrance, still slick from Gaius’ ministrations, “and I’d hate for you to go wanting.”

Gaius’ eyes narrowed with lust and he nodded, mouth suddenly dry. “How would you have me, then?”

“I have an idea.” Estinien rose and took a moment to wrap himself around Gaius’ shoulders, pressing kisses to the side of his neck and that stubbled jawline he liked so well. “Lay down here, and I will ride you.” He pushed Gaius back down onto the bed until he was flat on his back and then knelt above him, one hand flat on his chest as he fumbled around for the bottle of lubrication.

“Face away from me,” Gaius murmured, “I would see you from behind as you ride me.”

Estinien raised an eyebrow and tilted his lips in a smirk. “Would you, now? Very well.” He turned until his back was to Gaius and sat back on his haunches, fumbling with the bottle of lube until he got it back open and a good quantity of the stuff slathered over his fingers. 

“I would have used my tongue, save for the oil,” Gaius replied, stroking his erection back to wakefulness at the sight above him; Estinien’s long, talented fingers breaching his arse four at once, caring naught for going slowly. Gaius groaned and ran the palm of his free hand across the swell of Estinien’s arse, gripping it hard enough to leave a mark and then giving it a resounding slap.

“Ngh,” Estinien grunted, “more of  _ that _ , if you please.” He gripped the bedsheets with his free hand and rocked forward again as Gaius smacked his other arsecheek, and then the first one again, leaving stinging red marks which he knew he would enjoy catching sight of later.

Gaius rubbed his palm gently over the handprints he’d made, soothing the sting before swatting Estinien again, once more on each cheek until he was satisfied with the marks. He rubbed over them again and then brushed his thumb against Estinien’s fingers where they breached his entrance. He picked up some of the slick lube and pushed his thumb inside too from above, spreading the rest of his fingers across Estinien’s lower back.

Estinien canted forward once more, a low groan falling from his lips as Gaius thumbed him even more open. “Are you quite finished, or do you plan on toying with me all morning?” he panted, words a touch harsher perhaps than he intended as his dick began to harden all over again. 

“I could watch you do this all day,” Gaius murmured, voice low and husky with want, “but I suppose I can put you out of your misery before you start to beg.” He pulled his thumb out and ran it across the head of his dick to transfer the remaining lube. “Unless you would like to beg, of course?” He titled his head to one side as Estinien shot a glare over his shoulder, through the cascade of his hair as he pulled his fingers out of his arse.

“Alright, no begging,” Gaius relented with a huff of laughter. “Come, now.” He pulled Estinien closer with one hand on his hip and the other lining up his dick until it pushed at Estinien’s entrance and then up between his arse cheeks. “Let us take advantage of your apparently inexhaustible stamina.”

“Lube,” Estinien hissed, passing it back to Gaius, “and quickly, I am becoming impatient!” He rocked his hips, sliding Gaius’ thick, delicious dick up and down between his cheeks, hardly able to stop himself from just rocking back and taking it all in one, lubrication be damned.

Gaius managed to get more lube out of the bottle with a little coaxing and shaking, and he palmed it up his dick with an eager hand, lifting it from Estinien’s arse long enough to get it good and slick. He paused for a second to squeeze the head of it, noting with a wry smile that he was leaking a little already, before lining back up against Estinien’s entrance. 

He began to tease, pushing just against Estinien, not enough to fully breach him, but the look Estinien shot him over his shoulder once more was enough to near curdle milk. Gaius chuckled, deep and low in his chest, but the sound cut off abruptly as Estinien slid down onto his dick, taking the length of it like it was nothing and shocking a groan from Gaius as though he’d been punched. “ _ Fuck _ ,” he bit out, and Estinien bared his teeth in a grin, feral and so fucking  _ beautiful  _ it could have taken Gaius’ breath away if it hadn’t already been driven from him by the sheer heat and tightness surrounding his dick.

Estinien rolled his hips, and all coherent thought fled Gaius’ brain. He slid his hand over Estinien’s arse again, pleased to see that the prints he’d left were only a little faded, and pushed his thumb against the tight, tight fit of his dick.

“I can take it,” Estinien murmured, using those muscular thighs to rise up and then sink back down again, right to the root of Gaius. “I’ve had  _ more _ , I’m not so delicate as you seem to think sometimes, Baelsar.”

“I know you have. I was there, if you recall,” Gaius growled, jerking his hips up to meet Estinien, angling his thrust in the way he knew would hit his prostate. 

“Oh yes, I recall quite well.” Estinien shot him another of those feral, filthy grins; all teeth and flashing eyes, “that kept me in fuel for some time, if  _ I _ recall.”

“Did it now?” Gaius raised an eyebrow, the thought of Estinien pleasuring himself to thoughts of them together hitting a whole new spot he hadn’t considered before. He rubbed his thumb harder against Estinien’s arse, pushing it inside as he had before, but this time it was pressing up against his own dick and adding a whole other dimension to the phrase ‘tight fit’. 

Estinien groaned under his breath; the only concession that he was beginning to come undone under Gaius’ ministrations, besides the way he gripped onto Gaius’ shins for dear life, digging in his blunt fingernails until he left crescent moon marks. “More,” he breathed, after taking a moment to centre himself. “ _ More _ , damn you.”

Gaius chuckled, but he didn’t have it in him to be cruel when he was so deep inside Estinien, when he was near teetering on the edge himself. He slid out his thumb and eked out the very last of the lube with shaking hands; slicking up his fingers and giving Estinien’s arse a hard slap with his non-lubed hand. “Off me a moment,” he growled, and then lined up the palm of his lubed hand against his dick, fingers up and pressing against Estinien’s entrance, slick and wanting.

Without waiting, Estinien ground down, taking Gaius’ dick and three fingers with nary a complaint save a long, shaky exhale of breath and a muffled “ _ fuck _ ”. He rolled his hips and saw stars as Gaius’ dick nudged against his prostate, and by all the hells he was so  _ full _ .

They both began to move, Gaius’ free hand gripping tight to Estinien’s hip as he fucked into him with sharp snaps of his hips, groaning from the near-unbearable tightness of it.

Estinien clenched around him, chasing his second orgasm with single-minded determination until he couldn’t stop himself from fisting his dick, hard and fast with a little twist of his wrist at the end, wringing the pleasure from his body with a raw, throaty moan.

Gaius was not long behind; the tightness of Estinien’s arse combined with his fingers and that  _ noise  _ was enough to send him over the edge too, his bucking wilder and more erratic until he was spent and sopping with sweat, head falling back against the pillow with a soft flump. 

Estinien peeled himself off Gaius and flopped down bonelessly next to him, draping a leg and an arm over Gaius’ sticky body. 

“You’ll get the bed messy,” Gaius murmured, blowing out a soft breath to move some of Estinien’s hair from where it had drifted onto his face. “Seed and lube everywhere.” 

Estinien snorted and turned his face up to regard Gaius with hooded eyes, chin resting on his chest as he let out a languid yawn. “Sheets can be washed, tis not the end of the world.”

“Aye, I suppose you’re right.” Gaius wrapped one arm around Estinien’s shoulders, the other reaching up to cup his face. “I trust that satisfied?”

“You ask ridiculous questions sometimes, Gaius,” Estinien said, though it was tinged with fondness. “Yes, it satisfied. Would you like another medal to attach to your breast, perhaps?”

“Hm, I would accept a medal.” Gaius hummed under his breath. “What would you etch upon it, that is the only question.”

“Something crude, no doubt. Possibly with an illustration or two.”

“Small illustrations, then. You must have uncommon skill as a goldsmith.”

Estinien swatted him on the chest. “Or perhaps I shall farm the work out to our Neroe, see how  _ he _ fares with it.”

Gaius laughed, deep and rough, and felt a little of the weight fall from his shoulders. “I should like to see how  _ that _ exchange goes down.”

“Hm, well, we’ll see. Pass the coffee, would you? Lest I fall back asleep right here and continue to make a mess of your linens.”

“Coffee it is, though tis cold, now.”

“Cold or not, the caffeine does its work.” Estinien lifted himself onto his elbow and took the cup from Gaius, drinking of it deeply before he was satisfied. “I can feel your thrice damned seed down my thighs,” he said with narrowed eyes. “I do hope these rooms come with plumbing.”

“They do,” Gaius pressed a kiss to Estinien’s temple, “and not too shabby, at that. I have obviously had better in Garlemald, but one must make do.”

Estinien snorted. “Indeed, one must make do.” He downed the rest of his coffee and shuddered at the bitter dregs, then wrenched himself upright, though he left one hand trailing across Gaius’ chest hair idly. “Then I shall abscond to the tub. You are free to join me, if you wish.”

Gaius watched him stand, noting the mess he’d left behind with a little smirk. “You go ahead, I would finish my own coffee first.” He swung his legs off the side of the bed and leaned his hands on his thighs, watching as Estinien left the room with an ever so slight wobble. He picked up his cup and sipped on the cold coffee, contemplating the aches in his thighs and lower back, the old scars and not quite so old burns which made their presence known after any exertion. Though the physical scars could never be healed, there was something to be said about having a partner at one’s side to face those less obvious mental ones. 

And though he would nary say it aloud, Gaius felt lighter now than he had since their parting in Garlemald, and even the events of Ruby Weapon felt somehow easier to bear with Estinien at his back.

**Author's Note:**

> Look out for Gaiustinien Week on twitter, from the 28th of June to the 4th of July @gaiustinienweek, and feel free to join our wee little server for more discussion and flailing on these two grumpy bastards! 
> 
> https://discord.gg/RQbUS8r
> 
> If you like, there's also Emet-Selch's Wholesomely Debauched Bookclub for general FFXIV fanfiction writers! - https://discord.gg/YksbJeZ


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